Another goodie from the Internet from my sister --
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected . . . . . in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
4. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
5. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit . . . . Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
7. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
8. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
9. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
10. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
11. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "Doctor".
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
16. Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
17. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
18. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
19. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
20. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
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About Me
- Elizabeth Mahlou
- I am the mother of 4 birth children (plus 3 others who lived with us) and grandmother of 2, all of them exceptional children. Married for 42 years, I grew up in Maine, live in California, and work in many places in education, linguistics, and program management. In my spare time, I rescue and tame feral cats and have the scars to prove it. A long-time ignorantly blissful atheist converted by a theophanic experience to Catholicism, I am now a joyful catechist. Oh, I also authored a dozen books, two under my pen name of Mahlou (Blest Atheist and A Believer-in-Waiting's First Encounters with God).
Recommended Reading List
Because I am blog inept, I don't quite know how to get a reading list to stay at the end of the page and not disappear from sight. Therefore, I entered it as my first post. I suppose that is not all that bad because readers started commenting about the books, even suggesting additional readings. So, you can participate with others in my reading list by clicking here.I do post additional books as I read them and find them to be meaningful to me, and therefore, hopefully, meaningful to you. One advantage of all the plane traveling I do is that I acquire reading time that I might not otherwise take.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE these! Thank you for the giggles!
ReplyDeleteAwesome. I have to write some of these down!
ReplyDeleteCredocatholic and Val, glad you enjoyed them!
ReplyDelete