Paraprosdokians

Another goodie from the Internet from my sister --

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected . . . . . in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

4. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

5. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit . . . . Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

7. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

8. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

9. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

10. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

11. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "Doctor".

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

16. Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

17. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

18. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

19. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

20. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

Out in the Field...

Sometimes people tell me that I am not only out in the field (not surhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifprisingly, I was brought up on the farm) but that I am often out in left field. Mainly, it is because I miss details. Doah called me detail-oblivious in his book. You have read some of those (unfortunately quite true) stories on Mahlou Musings: Stories from Doah's Book.

Recently, I came across an anecdote, not sure where but perhaps from Reader's Digest, that describes me to a T. (Think of me as the lieutenant -- which I really was, and thank God for sergeants and warrant officers who took care of me and trained me.) The anecdote goes like this:

A sergeant and a lieutenant are sleeping out in the field when the sergeant woke up. He nudged the lieutenant awake and asked, "Sir, look at all those stars in the sky. What does it tell you?"

The lieutenant cogitated a moment, then replied, "It tells me how small we really are, no matter what we think of ourselves, how infinitesimal we and all are affairs are in a grand, capacious universe.

"Well, sir," answered the sergeant. "It tells me that someone stole our tent!"

(I am very grateful that God protects lieutenants. I would never have made it this far without that kind of help!)

Wishing you a blessed weekend; it's a special one for sure!