I ask the indulgence and prayers of readers of all my blogs. Other than for an occasional, already-written post or the Monday Morning Meditation (I never miss an "appointment" with God and right now that is especially important to me), I will be taking a week or so off to quander (ponder a quandary).
Donnie received a shocking call today from the work place of Doah, our youngest son, who lives in a group home from the mentally challenged, and immediately called me: Doah had been raped. I immediately left work, and we headed north. We met with the sheriff's department, the folks from Doah's workplace in whom Doah had confided, doctors and nurses, an advocate for victims of violent crimes, and Doah himself. Doah went through five hours of medical tests and over an hour of interrogation from the sheriff's department. The medical staff said that Doah inspired them with his obviously deep faith that gave him an extraordinary resilience. The deputy told Doah that he was the best crime victim he had ever met -- Doah was straightforward and explicit, got the details right, and did not back down from uncomfortable truth. By the time the evening was over, the deputies had tracked down the rapist, an illegal alien without documents who seemed to have disappeared according to everyone who knew him, and had him behind bars. Impressive! So was the orderly procedure and all the help made available to us.
Nonetheless, this event has thrown our lives out of kilter, and I need some time to put things back together. We have brought Doah home with us until we can find another group home for him. We have to decide on any legal action we wish to take against the group home -- a difficult decision because I am suit-averse by nature. There is also more testing to do and results of testing to receive: hepatitis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HIV/AIDS. The latter is very frightening and very possible. I am asking all our friends to pray that Doah passes through this terrible experience without contracting HIV/AIDS as a permanent reminder and life-threatening consequence.
Thank you for your understanding and any prayers you are willing to say for Doah (or candles you are willing to light). God bless you until I am up and running regularly again.
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About Me
- Elizabeth Mahlou
- I am the mother of 4 birth children (plus 3 others who lived with us) and grandmother of 2, all of them exceptional children. Married for 42 years, I grew up in Maine, live in California, and work in many places in education, linguistics, and program management. In my spare time, I rescue and tame feral cats and have the scars to prove it. A long-time ignorantly blissful atheist converted by a theophanic experience to Catholicism, I am now a joyful catechist. Oh, I also authored a dozen books, two under my pen name of Mahlou (Blest Atheist and A Believer-in-Waiting's First Encounters with God).
Recommended Reading List
Because I am blog inept, I don't quite know how to get a reading list to stay at the end of the page and not disappear from sight. Therefore, I entered it as my first post. I suppose that is not all that bad because readers started commenting about the books, even suggesting additional readings. So, you can participate with others in my reading list by clicking here.I do post additional books as I read them and find them to be meaningful to me, and therefore, hopefully, meaningful to you. One advantage of all the plane traveling I do is that I acquire reading time that I might not otherwise take.
Hi Elizabeth - that is too terrible - words fail at times like these .. a big hug for you .. but for Doah - the trust of his family .. and ultimately society (though that may be difficult).
ReplyDeleteI can only say - this story will stay with me for ever .. I can't believe the human race can do things like this .. (but that chap too obviously is in serious need of care .. he's been sorely neglected in his life)
I admire your forebearance in pursuing the matter further .. other than ensuring that Doah is as well as he can be, and cared for and loved by you.
My thoughts are with you all .. and I'll be praying for you .. with love Hilary
Elizabeth:
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for you and your family. I don't know what to say either.
Like you,I am 'suit-adverse' also. Ask the Lord what He wants you to do. He WILL tell you.
Doah is one brave person. God was with him.
Dear Father God:
A family is hurting. A young man has been violated. I ask You to wrap Your arms of love around the entire family as they deal with finding a new group home for Doah. I ask Your guidance for his parents as they make necessary decisions. Help them all through this time of travail and we will be sure to give You praise. In the name of Jesus, Amen
Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI just cannot make sense of human evil when I hear of atrocities like this. That Doah is so innocent makes it even harder to understand why someone would do such a thing. I'll start a Novena for Doah and your family today.
Thank you, Quiet Spirit and Hilary, for your prayers and care. We, too, were shocked, but instead of lashing back through a lawsuit -- money does not buy anything in a case like this -- we have had the State of California instigate an investigation, which hopefully will protect other young people like Doah in the future. We have also asked that training be given on all the protocols that are supposed to be followed in a case like this. We do know that one of the three night staff who were supposed to be looking after Doah and ignored his cries for help is no longer there. Of course, they cannot tell us everything they have done, but we will find out in our own way over time. Meanwhile, we have been very fortunate in that the new group home being proposed for Doah is only 10-15 minutes away; that is the closest he has ever been. It is in the same city as our son, Shane!
ReplyDeleteMary, there is no easily understandable reason why this happened. The young adult rapist was also mentally challenged, and such individuals don't think like the rest of the population. While rape is usually considered an act of violence and the need for control, I don't believe that this was the emotional trigger in this case. I think the guy was seeking sexual satisfaction from an easy target, i.e. sexual gratification, not control and anger. It does not make it right, and it does not reduce the trauma to Doah, but I don't think the intent was to hurt but rather intense self-orientation, which is more often than not an attribute of the adult mentally challenged. We have had to work hard to get Doah to understand things from another's point of view, and I have to admit that we have not been entirely successful but have made some inroads. The guy who did this does not have parents to work with him in this way. The group home should do it, but the staff does not have the kind of influence that a parent has.